My soup

petty-revenge-stories:

When I worked at Walmart, I went from cart pusher->cashier->electronics->security. Sometimes after I switched to security, when electronics was really swamped, I’d help out for a few minutes. One day, the phone was ringing and I was walking by and randomly answered it.

Sir Scamalot: “Hello, sir, this is Steam Support services with Valve.”

Instantly, of course, I know this is a scam. I adore valve and played so many of their games too. I can’t believe my luck! Of all the calls to answer! Surprisingly he didn’t have some weird accent.

Me: “Oh, uh… what can I do for you?”

Sir Scamalot: “We’ve had reports that game keys shipped to your location may have an error that prevents it from authenticating, specifically the game Counter Strike. We need to validate your game keys to see if yours effected.” [I forget which CS was on sale then, this was 2008].

Me: “Oh, what do I do?” As if I didn’t know.

Sir Scamalot: “Well I just need you to open any copies of the game you have and read me the CD key on the instruction manual so I can verify them with our validation software.” [or on the jewel case, I don’t remember that either]

Me: “Sure thing, can I put you on hold for a minute while I get those?”

Sir Scamalot: [obviously happy] “Sure!”

So I put Sir Scamalot on hold while I called all the other area stores electronics department and warned them about the scammer and confirmed nobody had taken a call like this earlier. About 15 minutes later, I get back to Scamalot.

Me: “Thanks for holding, but I can’t find any CD keys. I looked all through the book and the packages.”

Sir Scamalot: [annoyed] “Well sir, just open any copy of Counter Strike and on the-”

Me: “Oh, COUNTER STRIKE! I thought you said Counting Strikes, that bowling game, ok, hold on!”

Everyone in the department is listening and we all laugh. 10 minutes later, I’m back on the line.

Me: “Ok, I got what you’re looking for! What do you need?”

Now I make him walk me through how to open the box, including interrogating him for 5 minutes about how to do it without breaking the seal, then pretend I can’t find the book, etc etc.

Finally, I’m ready to read the code!

First, I read him the UPC. This upsets him. Then I read him a part number from something. Now he’s livid. Finally, I ask if he means the code on the book that says “game key” and has like groups of four digits with dashes (like he’s said probably 50 times already) and he gets excited again.

Oh, ok heres the game key…

Me: “Ok F… like frank. U… like uncle. C… like cat.”

Sir Scamalot: “Sir, I don’t think thats right, normally a code would-”

Me: “No, its. F, U, C, then K like kite. Next four is Y like yesterday. O like owl-”

And he swore at me and hung up.

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